I'm looking for a new job. I've applied to 15 openings at Mar-a-Lago. I refresh their job page several times a day. I’m competing with 190 foreign spies to be the new locker room attendant.

These are open positions at Mar-a-Lago:

• bartender

• banquet server

• banquet setup attendant

• spa receptionist

• receiving attendant

• catering and events assistant

• hair stylist

• valet attendant

• receptionist

• maintenance

Every other position is receiving something or attending something. It doesn’t sound like a place where anything industrious is getting done. Why do people join expensive clubs? One of Mar-a-Lago’s perks is easy-to-access document storage. No golf course though.