jokes
edition 36
We all thought the pandemic would be a good time to reset and build better habits. I was picturing Will Smith in I Am Legend running on a treadmill in his apartment with his dog running next to him on his own treadmill. It was a good time to workout in your basement or garage. Or save up for a big expense. We weren’t going out for entertainment and vacations. I started off thinking I was ready to buy a house, but that turned into a mirage like a desert oasis. I ended up buying a medicine ball on craigslist and a meditation cushion. Maybe you planned bigger changes like moving cities, getting out of a job that didn’t appreciate you, or faking your own death. It was actually a pretty good time to fake your death. In hindsight, the real pro move would have been to invest everything in crypto, cash out, pretend to die of covid, and become a real estate agent in Poland.
Russian soldiers have been calling the Ukrainian surrender hotline in huge numbers. They leave tanks and ammo in the field just sitting there. If nobody is working on this already, I think it would be a good time to layout a plan for repurposing Russia as an arena for the Hunger Games. The winner gets to live in Vladimir Putin’s forest palace and hand-selects contestants for the next competition.
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